2008 a year of broken dreams...

10 years ago, back in 1998, i was dreaming of 2008... "ten years from now... at last graduate na ko... hmmmm... 21 na rin ako... sheyt! magwowork na na ko sa profession na tinapos ko... may boyfriend na ko and so on..."well... maybe it's just that, i'm not good in predictions... none of those were fullfilled, seriously.  but... should i be pissed off?

i may not be the plain and smooth maine that i expected a decade back but to be fair, i think i wasn't that kind of disaster for not getting any of those stuffs. everything that happened to me the past ten 10 years has been extremely unpredictable, and undoubtedly great. the unexpected achievements and discoveries surpassed these little failures (yes i found them little this time) in the goals that i set when i was 10 years old. i think i'd been to more than my teachers back in preschool  has aimed for me, more than my teachers in elementary has forseen. i wasn't one of the kids who stopped schooling because vices and other bad influencestold them to do so, i'm not one of the geeks who passed and topped the board exams, got 3 times accelerations etc... i'm not even in the middle of those two brackets...

i don't know... but... maybe i'm more than that...

but what will happen next year? que se ra se ra....

a pleasant surprize....

a blog about ITON...


"i've dicovered so many thing in life... how about you?"

whow! these words shook my day... after four long years of non existence...he'll give you that kind line? whew!

he's been one of my greatest friends back in high school. i think the only guy who is emotionally and intellectually tied up with me back then. but after the graduation... i never had a single word from him, not even a single strand of his hair's shadow.

and because of the message he sent me, hmmm.. my day turns brighter. he did, he made my day.

i remember about a month ago, somebody told me that one of the previous classmates from high school was so mad at him... kase ang loko, sabi ba naman, ayaw niyang umuwi dahil wala naman siyang mapapala sa aabutan niya sa del gallego. the guys na gusto niyang makausap wala dun.  still... quite frank and stupid guy, haha. yeah, he hates futile chat of our previous classmates.

haayy.. looking  forward to see you buddy!

puro kalokohan ni maine

i have nothing against them but please be not like them....

pano kung totoo? pano kung ganun nga? tatanggapin ko kaya? masakit sa ulo pala kung ganito. uncertainty is burning every single active braincell inside my head. i fell. i did. and never expected him to catch me... because i have this idea that he's falling too... and also waiting for someone "in his own shape" to catch or pick him up. 

dude! yes i used to be a "doubtful eve" na may malaking kahibangan sa isang "purest adam" (si manong). but that was yesterday i guess, i finally told myself that i'm ready to be a "pure eve" after meeting this creature who is in the end... the "doubtful adam" pala.

yung isa, nag asawa, yung isa pinsan ko pala, yung isa ni hindi ko nakita, yung isa nasa tate, yung isa nawalang parang bula, yung isa may malupet na balakid rin, at yung isa BAKLA. CURSED? I am.

lalake pa rin yun. andaling sabihin. ambigat sa loob.

pare seryoso ako dito, pano ko ba gagawing tunay na lalake yun? taena inglisero pa ang chuvaness! wah! huhuhu.... BIGO.

 

sotero's pajama party!

wansapanataym, babae ako sa isang boardinghouse na puro babae ang nakatira. hekhek hek

" pag nakikita.... natatae ako."

i remember Iton giving this line to someone he was courting. that was bout 4 years ago. may pahabol pa, "alam mo? mukha kang tae". sinagot cia nung girl, promise. sounds funny, but back then, we just laughed at him and thought he's just trying to be funny, trying to be different, you know.  but why on earth am i feeling the same way whenever this certain jerk is around me. seriously! natatae ako pag nakikita ko cia. tinamaan ako, oo, matindi oo, but hey! whatabout the effect pare, bastusan ba? ahh... deal with it maine.

there

http://www.secret-loves.com/index.php?test=1096125

comfortably flirt

alright. fine. that's mike. my trainer. he's smart. i don't care. not until i told him i like him, even if i don't. tsk. bad. wrong move? nah, just right for my plan. but damn, he's invading my nights and weekends. wah! but good thing i won't have a headache with tonn2 during those hours. ahehe.

i'm not suffering from sexual identity crisis

oh yea, it's just a while ago that i came up with that verdict. i'm not lesbo nor bisexual, i just have men's pair of eyes, nagkamali lang siguro si God, or maybe sinadya na rin para magkathrill ang buhay ko sa kakaisip kung ano ba talaga ako.

hey it's not a simple puzzle. yesterday i saw a billboard of the bebench contestants along edsa and i only looked at the girl's faces. i didn't care to look at the guys', well at least not until i realized why on earth am i like that? ganun ako lagi. i really love looking at women, i can appreciate them with looks alone. i can see the queen out of the simple unpainted beauty, and the mystery from the enhanced masterpiece. but with the guys, the rest of my senses' work, from my ears to my heart up to the weird muscular reactions of my ngalangala--- except for the guys' pair of eyes, it's a big deal sometimes, could break the spell in my sense of sight.

kaya pala, yun pala yun. kaya pala i don't go for looks when it comes to adam's sons. weird but nice;-)

maghunusdili ka anak

okey, nakita ko si doc. kilig! alam na ng buong angkan ko, si doc na lang ang hindi nakakaalam na cia ang mapapangasawa ko. ehehe. bull's eye!

whole lotta love gipetto cover

2nd performance of gipetto, 1st time for the new lineup. cencia na kung mejo sablay. ahehe, we'll try to make it better next gig.

guitarista -- avon
bahista -- reis
tagatambol -- mon
bokalista -- maineard (kambal ko hehe)

seven years...

yea i'm seven years young this day. happy birthday. special thanks to deutzy, fatlipz, trigger, blonde, and nico for letting me stay. for all the transformation, for the music. though it's kindav getting more and more blurry each day between us, you'll never be forgotten. gra, go deo. for all the hointach days, for all those million ups and few downs, bouichas. salamat mga tsong. namimiss ko na kayo, sobra. pero it seems like everything is over. i can't take back the shallow heart that can give me an extreme emotion every other minute. sana nga naging ganun na lang ako, ganun katitingkad na kulay ng buhay na tanging ang teenage maine lang ang makakalikha, siyempre with your presence. pero iba na ngayon. anlabo. the more you learn the deeper your heart will be and the harder you'll feel satisfied and happy. haaay, pitong taon na, and the first four years of this were four of the best years of my life. ahhh let me cry guys. thanks again. thanks for helping me to become a real woman. i can say i am right now. i just hope one of these days, i can touch you with bare hands and bare eyes, i can see you standing infront me.

save my soul, i need help.

your heart will be broken though it was never been whole --- is it possible? 

what's this? darn.

again, i'm a broken hearted shit.  i don't know if i still like this feeling for kevin roy. damn. i can't understand this shit. it's a strange emotion though. hindi ko kase alam kung natutuwa ako looking at kevin with his family o nasasaktan ako. i'm touched, honestly, looking at jan's profile, but i don't think this is a plain thouch. i think the last time i felt this way was with brian couple of years back. is it the feeling of acceptance and happiness? telling yourself that the one you love belongs to someone, and she'll have him forever? their kid, she's a perfect combination of the couple. with kevin's nose and jan's eyes. so sweet. ahh  would you mind if i'll cry? oh yes, fuck i'm crying right now while writing this. so then i'm hurt. but happy? possible? i don't know and i don't undersand. it's always been a mystery. when i haven't opened the profile of jan yet, i was scared, i'm almost shaking. i'm afraid i'm not ready to see what i'm about to see. i saw some simple pictures of the three of them, and i felt so strange. paulitulit kong sasabihin, it's strange. and the pic of kevin with jan, ibang iba yun sa mga pics ni kevin with some girl fans. damn, he's so much inlove. i'm hurt yet love him more for that. ang hirap no? sobrang hirap. can anyone save me from this hearache? please. 

manong part 1

"see that perfect throw? that's something only bandmates could have."

i read dudette's blog about manuel and i thought of doing the same thing, i'm a bit shy though. coz i know it will be nothing but a corny and silly article.

anyway, i picked some lines fron the song i made bout a year ago and yes, it's a manong inspired song dude. adik no?

"he kept me chasing the sunrise of tommorow

to catch the scenes of moments to borrow

he hit me with the visions of wisdom and wit

to see the futility of the glistening shits

 

he uncovered the land where my music is singin

hemade it all without even knowing..."

 

 

and this is my fave line:

 

"in his capacity to make everything fine,

too bad he could never be mine..."

 

bitter... nyaiks!

 

for now, eto muna ang intro ko sa mahabang kwento para sa nagiisang manong. uwi pa kong bikol eh. bye! teka bitin eh, basta maghintay sa wala baka sakaling meron. 

 

 

sayang

just got home from handle bar, razorback gig. whew! mon and avon should've been there. they played loadz of cover songs that we must also learn to play. haay. another kick ass night with couple  of boars and bunch of aliens, ahehe. foreigners ;-) aaah! i want blues! i want blues! i miss munting paraiso, banyo song and stuffs. manong, parang gusto ko nang maniwala at totohanin na there's something between us sa past life. baka nga ako yung alaga mong pusa, o ikaw yung alaga kong iguana. whatcha think? o sweet ka lang talaga. no? o baka tayo yung alagang salagubang ni andres bonifacio, hindi kaya?

mpeeps. miss you so much guys, see you after ten days or more.

Gipetto, hello! ano na? wala ba tayong business jan?

bikol, wait, just wait. i'm comin' and i'm all yours.

maine! umayos ka na, teen ager ka na! hehehehek.

hala.

nalilito na ko. patay, minsan mas ok kung hindi ka nagiisip, at least wala kang iniisip. nalilito na ko sa mga ideyang pumapasok, sa mga pilosopiya ng kung sinosino, sa mga prayoridad, ano ba talaga? kaya ko ba? ano ba kase ang gusto ko? ah, lam ko na, gutom lang to, hehe.

graduating? senior? ow?

senior, yes. officially, i am. i got my registration card a while ago. should i be happy? or scared? graduating? hehe, just hope. to be a part of the top 30% of the senior students isn't that easy guys, specially when the seniors were already the drained more or less 40% of the entire population of the batch since freshmen days. i don't know if i must say i'm lucky to be part of it, yeah, it's just all luck i guess, and i'm not sure if luck will keep pulling me up to reach the peak. asan ka na maine? di kita mahanap. nawawala ka nanaman.

elem first day of school, nakakamiss kaya!

haha. remembering those good old days. excited for new stuffs and new classmates, doing all the first day resolutions, the vacation experiences chats, new uniform, a lot of adjustments, new teachers. whew! bat iba na ata ngayon? nakakamiss. watching the busy moms buying their kids' loadz of colorful school supplies in national bookstore makes me smile and remember those fun days of innocence and shallow happiness. how i wish i can still feel the same, the fulfillment when you've finished covering your notebooks and make a very nice frontpage on each of them, the thrill of thinking who will be set to sit beside you in the entire year's class sitting arragement, haha, fun.

kase naman eh, sa college ko, yung atmosphere nung 1st year 1st sem, walang pinagkaiba sa ngayon, eh hello! fourth year na po ako. yes nakaabot ako sa fourth year ng nilantakan ng capital B O R E D O M. at nakatagal ang beauty ng lola mo hanggang ngayon ha? well, big thanks to musicians for peace for filling up the huge empty space in my social life. or else, naloka na ko ng tuluyan. salamat talaga, hindi niyo lang alam. nagkakulay ang mundo ko sa loob ng miniature ng pilipinas ng dahil sa inyo, ang musika at pagmamahal sa masa, ang pagmulat ng bahagya sa aking kamalayan. teka OT na to ah, nadala na ko ng emosyon. hekhek.

ngumiti ang bathala

namigay ng pagibig

baka lang wala ako non

baka nagmumunimuni...

bitter? ako? hindi nga? nakakainis. sobra. hindi na lang sana ko umuwi, i should've stayed here for good. sometimes truth is better when it's hidden. coz sometimes, truth will give you nothing but headache and heartache. 15 years, 10 years, you think that's long enough? long enough to make a great wine? long enough to be more than a fool? can i curse the blood and the paper? how bout 2 decades? yeah, since birth. eto pang isa one year lang daw. shehth! utang na loob, give up. please. ikaw na lang ang hinihintay ko.

stairway last razorback gig.

hhmmm...

i just thought this stuff is interesting.

maine wrote:
> thanks for the 'drumstick' ;-)
> haha, cencia ka na di ka na nakatanggi.
> and i forgot to say thanks that night, nakalog pa utak ko eh.
>
> nasa original lineup ba talaga yung stairway? nice.

BRIAN: Ayuz lang yon. No stairway is not on the original line up, and has'nt been for the past ten years or so. Nanggago lang si tirso noon 8)

why, why on earth?

why? why? why? why can't i say that here? haha. shy. c'mon!

i'm about to leave manila gain, by guys! punta kong bikol, makikifiesta. nyayahahah. makikikain ang isang maralitang tagalungsod. youuuhooo! uwi na ko, makikipagkita sa mga sundalong nagdiriwang ng pagkapanalo ni dato arroyo. dooot. doot.

anyway, kagabi i got my first kiss. yeah! sa forehead. haha, by manong kevin. the razorback gig was great! and somebody caught my eye last night. hhhmm... di ko siya kilala. hhhmm... but sure he'll be on next bex gigs. hhmmm... nakatulala kase cia kay tirso, kaya nakakatuwa. hehe. and he's alone. galing ni tirso! yeah!

bye guys, uwi ako ng bikol para alamin kung ano ba talaga yung mahiwagang danggit na yun. asus! at yung pancit batong binabanggit nila na masarap daw sa bikol. susme! antagal ko na sa bikol bokayo lang ang alam kong specialty dun. hehehe!

binoycot ang mga partylist dahil sa sundalo

nanghina ako nung tinanong ko si mama bout result ng partylist dun sa precint na naasign sa kanya. wala daw bumoto sa partylist, takot sa sundalo. yung area kase eh bundok na talaga at yes namamalagi ang mga sundalo. nakakalungkot. nakakainis. plus the fact na si cesar montano ang # 1 senator dun, malala, may naghahanap pa ng Lito Lapid. whew! ewan ko ba. basta.

jellyfish jisaster

night swimming, night with my highschool mates before the election. chat, foods, water, beer and jelly.... fish. then... pain... pain... itch... rashes... irritation... and russian map all over my neck. shoieets! pano ko sa 19? waaah! makikita ko si manong! nyahaha! may mapa ako? baka siya maligaw. nyahaha. huhu.

boredom

it's killing me...

 

 

bang!

 

 

i'm dead.

portrait

hehe. back portrait na ginawa ni andrew. yeah, ganda ko no?

deutzy's morning

about three o' clock in the morning. i have to be logged. it's brian mcfa's live webchat. the idea haunts me. but the impact wasn't that perfect anymore. i miss the man so much, but 6 years had been enough to give him up. he's one of the impossible stuffs i tried to fight for. the chat was almost nonesense but at least i was able to think that at one moment, me and deutz were in common place. now, i must leave. it's over. he didn't even entertain question from us. i think he's also irritated with so kulet fans. anyway, see yah next time.

loadz o' luv,

maine

mourning for fireflies

i've just commited an original sin. i became the reason for some living things' death. i brought ten fireflies for joan from bicol, but the poor insects weren't able to survive. huhu. so sad for the lil light makers. and for me who took care of them so much, for joan who's expecting she'll gonna have them as pets, haaay. so sad.

Delta Goodrem Ft. Brian McFadden

remembering those days. kiddo. loving boybands. loving brian for 6 years. some may not understand, but the boy, who turned out to be a so called man these days, still hsit my inner being. haha! yeah, and i'm loving this song so much.

summer cold

whew! why on earth do i have to suffer from cold and cough during summer? c'mon! ang kj naman. wala sa uso! well, i think this is just an effect of a week furstration and unsatisfaction of my vacation mode. but at last, uwi n ko sa bikol namin. andun ang gamot sa sakit ko. hehe. one week break. nature tripping, hangin out with high school fellas, eating a lot, burning my skin under the sun, and most of all, jamming with my family. yooohoo! these following days will surely be great! i'm gonna miss razorback, mp and gipetto. but anyway, one week lang naman eh. hehe.

slan go foill!

loadz o' love,

maine

 

kailanpaman

shet it hits me! not just because it's kevin, a basta!

addictive

i don't like boys....

i love men!

i'm addict, i'm happy. what's wrong then?

fairytale

ok hindi raw cia ngumingiti.... one of this days, makukunan kita ng nakangiti.

nice song!

it was just few minutes ago when i first heard my new uploaded mp3 of loquy, birthright. it's actually a soundtrack of an online game rf online. whew! ganda! not a typical loquy song. mejo heavy, ang galing! galing ng vocs! hehe, ciempre si kevin yun.

zero-one-one-zero-one-one-zero-one-one

standby... rolling...

asus!

am not feeling well as much as i'm not doing well. but let me start this blogging stuff with a smile on my cheeks. ayun na. wala na kong magawa nanaman. schoolyear end. but it doesn't follow na bakasyon na sa isang tulad ko. i'm a busy person yknow. shet, for the first time in my history ngayon lang ako magsusummer, at sa last year pa ng school history ko ha. san ka. humabol. anyway, at least makakanood ako ng summerslam, andun lokomotiv eh. hehe. ayt! am gonna see manoy dave. yoohooo! pero sa ngayon, gusto ko nang umuwi sa bikol namin. huhu.